Love is like the perfect Rubix Cube. There are countless number of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it.

Brian Cramer

+ General JokeObama is proud of his Cash for Clunkers program. It basically let you sell your car to the government for gas money. Now there is talk in Congress about bringing it back as an add on to their univeral healthcare plan and expanding it. With thatin mind, let's take a look at how the Obama Clunker program might work on its next go round. Signs of an Obama Clunker • You have to reset the car clock after you use the cigarette lighter. • You just roll down the car windows for air conditioning. • You go to Coin Star so you can make your car and insurance payments. • You start using the phrase "General Motors" as a curse. • You start referring to GM as Government Motors. • You keep emergency sneakers in the car trunk for those inevitable walks home. • Your Obama clunker appears on the TV series Operation Repo, with a recurring role. • You had to cut the Club the Obama clunker came with off of the steering wheel. • You have to read map directions using the car's Check Engine light. • You spot tow trucks following your Obama clunker on the highway. • You double your car's Blue Book value whenever you fill the gas tank. • Your car insurance policy requires that you wear a helmet while driving. • You always carry duct tape in the car's glove compartment. • You have a bumper sticker for the local homeless shelter. • Your car radio only gets National Public Radio. • When hitchhikers see you, they put their thumbs down. • If you try to donate your car to charity, they give it right back. • Your car was featured on the cover of Lemon Law Magazine. • If they can't repair your clunker's brakes, they'll make your horn louder. • The tires keep getting rotated until they're back where they started. • You'll have to buy your car insurance from the federal government. • But your Obama auto insurance will cover you in all 57 states. • Your automobile insurance won't cover the types of accidents you're most likely to have.

Become
What we think, we become. --Buddha

The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do.”

“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”

“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really know what perect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

Mark Twain

Take your Vitamins
Taking a multivitamin daily could help slow arterial aging. Both vitamin C and vitamin E appear to be important to the health of your arteries. Studies show that adequate intakes of these antioxidant vitamins are associated with a significant reduction of arterial disease. Try to get about 400 IU of vitamin E per day and about 1,200 milligrams of vitamin C per day through food and vitamin supplements.

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”

The future belongs to the risk takers, not the security seekers. The more you seek security, the less of it you will have and the more you pursue opportunity, the more security you will achieve.

Brian Tracy

Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.-Karl Marx

“Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.” “How long have you had this feeling?”

“Ever since I was a kid.”

Keep on fighting the good fight!
It is better to have fought and lost.... than to not fight at all!

Good luck on the business battlefield!!!

General JokeA little late, but you get the gist.. Break out the whiskey and shot glasses -- it's time for President Obama's first official State of the Union Address. As you know, the Constitution requires that from time to time, the president shall give to the Congress information on the State of the Union, which is bestdigested by the citizenry while completely hammered. Thus...Joe Wilson yells something - Do two shotsObama yells back - Finish the bottle Obama says "jobs" - Do one shot, two if you're unemployedObama says "health care" - Do not drink, you will not be given a replacement liverNancy Pelosi claps like a seal - Do one shotNancy Pelosi becomes a seal - STOP DRINKING FOR THE LOVE OF GODObama mentions Bo - Put beer in your dog's water bowlObama uses the term "Congressional leadership" - Do two shotscarefully as all that laughing will make it difficult to swallowObama says he's "fighting for you" - Do one shot, two if you believe him

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.” “Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other. “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – Take a clean dish.”

Dealing with Envy
Men never throw sticks at trees that do not have fruit on them

- Old Chinese Proverb -

A man gets pulled over by the police for speeding. The cop walks up to the car and says to the driver, “Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?" The driver says, "Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!" The cop says, “Really! Why is that? The driver replies," I could not have been going 60 miles an hour because I've only been out driving for 25 minutes."

Our Children Are Watching
You're teaching a lesson each day that you live;

Your actions are blazing a trail

That children will follow for good or for ill;

You can help them or cause them to fail.

- Bosch -

The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet.

Theodore M. Hesburgh


General JokeLarry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

A first grade teacher was looking at her students as they were trying out their desk computers. One boy was staring at the screen, looking dumbstruck and confused. The teacher came and read what was on the screen and in her most reassuring voice said, “The computer wants to know what your name is."

The boy then leaned over and whispered, “My name is David."

Honor
No person was ever honored for what he received.

Honor has been the reward for what he gave.

- Calvin Coolidge

If you don't like something change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Don't complain.
Maya Angelou

was going to tell you the joke about the pencil, but there's really no point to it.

On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.

Aldous Huxley

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.-Ralph Waldo Emerson RIP Dr. Harold Fink 1918-2010 Memorial Service 12:30 pm Weds. The Plaza 630 Amsterdam Ave (91st).

Over a remote Scottish island a helicopter lost power and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily there was a small cottage nearby. The pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door. “Is there a mechanic in the area?” he asked the woman who answered the door. She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds. “No,” she finally said, pointing down the road, “but we do have a McArdle and a McKay.”

Antioxidant rich spice
Another herb that is antioxidant-rich is rosemary. According to research, rosemary contains powerful antioxidants that may help to inhibit free radical damage to cells. Rosemary was been revealed to have even greater health benefits than paprika. Using rosemary to season fish, vegetables, egg-white omelets, and salads will give your system an antioxidant boost.

If you treat an individual ... as if he were what he ought to be, and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

The economy is getting so bad; the other day my ATM gave me an IOU.

Continuing Education
Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and attended to with diligence.

Abigail Adams, 1780

Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas. The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!" The second boy said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm because my mom says he has to!" The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming! My grandpa started swimming in this pond 20 years ago, and he hasn't come out since!!!"

Free thought
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.

--Tom Robbins

Mo attends to a revival and listens to the sermon. After a while, the pastor asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Mo gets in line and, when it’s his turn the pastor asks, “Mo, what do you want me to pray about?” Mo says, “Pastor, I need you to pray for my hearing.” So the pastor puts one finger in Mo’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays for a while. He removes his hands and says, “Mo how’s your hearing now?” Mo says, “I don’t know pastor, it’s not until next Monday.

Cranking Down the Volume
Playing your tunes more softly during rush hour traffic might decrease your tension in the car. Cranking up the volume of your music may increase your tension while driving. A recent study showed that college students listening to three different amplitudes of music were more likely to have higher heart rates the higher the volume went and vice versa for lowering the volume. Hence, softly played music may sooth the savage beast during rush hour madness.

A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”

“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.” “Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative. The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!”

The castles of our life
"Life can be like those castles that were once thought impenetrable. No matter how hard it may seem, no matter what the odds are, you can always over come it."