Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.

Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole, spent the entire evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his returned drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, talked to a friend about her husband's behavior.The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. Around midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard Harry at the door and let him in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!"

Arguing
I've never learned anything from someone who agreed with me.

Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the riverbank at night. Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to guy number one "How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught a single one?"

Guy number one replied, " I don’t know.... why don’t ya come on over here?"

"I don’t know.... I don’t see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I don’t swim to well"

Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, " Why don’t you walk across this here beam off light?"

Guy number two was outraged and replied "do you think am stupid? When I get half way you'll turn it off!!!"

Why women should watch their waistline.
While putting on weight in general can have negative effects on your health, belly fat is particularly unhealthy.

Recommendations call for women to; keep their waist measurement under 35 inches. A waist size of 35 inches or more may increase your risk of: Cardiovascular disease, Diabetes, Gallbladder problems, Colorectal cancer, Breast cancer, Metabolic syndrome, High blood pressure, Stroke.

In a large study of nearly 45,000 women who were followed for 16 years, researchers found that having a large waist size increased their risk of dying of cardiovascular disease, even if they were not generally overweight. A large European study involving nearly 360,000 people also found that their overall fat content and abdominal fat content were strong predictors of their risk of death.

Some evidence also suggests that having a large waist measurement increases your risk of developing urinary incontinence and your risk of developing dementia later in life.

- Mayo Clinic-

Never criticize someone unless you walk a mile in his or her shoes, and then when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

CONSIDERATION
Never consider yourself less than anyone, though never consider anyone less than yourself.

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?" Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!"

Keys to conflict resolution: Communication and Empathy
Whether we realize this or not, communication breakdown is often the root of all relational problems. Communication breakdown often stem from misunderstandings from unclear or a lack of communication. Try to put yourself in the mindset or situation of the person with whom you're in conflict. Considering their perspective may help foster empathy and help in conflict resolution. If you are having a problem with someone and want to resolve it, make sure the channels of communication are open.


+ General JokeThe Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of ten million quid. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing money, he takes along his solicitor who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the ten million quid is that he embezzled from me." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is. Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's forehead and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard!" The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the b@lls to pull the trigger." Don't you just LOVE lawyers?!

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

Learning from failure
You've failed many times, although you don't remember. You fell down the first time you tried to walk. You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim. . . . Don't worry about failure. . . . Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.

-- Sherman Finesilver, US District Court Judge

Negatives and positives are most always based on perception and tend to rent space in our minds and largely dictate our reaction to situations.


M. Raymond Sheppard

Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.

Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.

I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.

Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.

“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”

“How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.

“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.

“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

Be Careful Microwaving Water
Microwave water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or tea bag is put into it.

To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it or adding anything into it.

Here is what our local science teacher had to say on the matter: 'Thanks for the microwave warning. I have seen this happen before. It is caused by a phenomenon known as super heating. It can occur anytime water is heated and will particularly occur if the vessel that the water is heated in is new, or when heating a small amount of water (less than half a cup).

What happens is that the water heats faster than the vapor bubbles can form. If the cup is very new then it is unlikely to have small surface scratches inside it that provide a place for the bubbles to form. As the bubbles cannot form and release some of the heat has built up, the liquid does not boil, and the liquid continues to heat up well past its boiling point.

What then usually happens is that the liquid is bumped or jarred, which is just enough of a shock to cause the bubbles to rapidly form and expel the hot liquid. The rapid formation of bubbles is also why a carbonated beverage spews when opened after having been shaken.'

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Henry Van Dyke

During a dinner party, the hosts?two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, ou see, it is vanishing cream!?br />


Craking the controversy about eggs
A new study has shown than, for many people, eggs can be a part of a healthy diet. They are good sources of protein, folate and minerals. And nutrients found in eggs, such as lutein and zeaxanthin, are important for people susceptible to developing eye problems such as macular degeneration and cataracts.

A recent study found that men who ate six or fewer eggs a week had no change in their level of risk of death. However, eating more than one egg a day was linked to an increase in the risk of death. Men with diabetes who ate any eggs also had a greater risk of all causes of mortality.

Diet guidelines aimed at restricting eggs should not be generalized to include everyone. It bet to follow the individual advice of your doctor or dietitian about eggs.

If you need to restrict your eggs, the fat and cholesterol is found in the egg yolk, not in the whites. You can substitute two egg whites for one whole egg in breads, pancakes and baked goods. Or try a cholesterol-free eggs substitute. Usually ?cup of egg substitute equals one whole egg.

- Mayo Clinic -

When you get right down to the root of the meaning of the word "succeed," you find that it simply means to follow through.


F. W. Nichol

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

The beginning of enlightenment....
“Accepting the essence of who you truly are is the beginning of enlightenment."

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths;
feels your fears but fortifies your faith;
sees your anxieties but frees your spirit;
recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.
William Arthur Ward


The time is always right to do what is right.-Martin Luther King, Jr.

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

WHERE THERE ARE NO COMPETITORS
The advantage of being narcissistic is that one need never fear a rival

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it?

The horses name is Friday

VALUE IS IN THE BELIEVING
Paper money, like virtue, has value only so long as people believe that it does.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

Success doesn't come to you. You go to it.

Marva Collins


When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered "Sorry sir, but you are allowed only one seat." The man moaned but didn't budge. "Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager." The man moaned again but stayed where he was. The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police. The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's your name, joker?" "Joe", he mumbled. "And where are you from, Joe?" Joe responds painfully, "The balcony!"

THE HIGH PRICE OF ADMISSION
Freedom is a wonderful thing to have guaranteed in our laws; however, many freedoms are meaningless unless one has first acquired the economic means to exercise them.