A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother muse puffed up her lungs and went, “Woof! Woof!” The cat turned tail and ran. With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settle and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children. “Now, what’s the lesson from that experience?” “We don’t know,” the baby mice squeaked. “It is this,” said Mother Mouse. “It’s always good to know a second language.”

Mold in the bathroom


To remove mold from the grout between the bathroom tiles in a spray bottle mix ½ cup 3% hydrogen peroxide solution and 1 cup of water and spray on the problem areas. Let dry, then wipe down the area.

Note: hydrogen peroxide loses its potency when exposed to air so buy a small bottle and discard after use.

Wise are those who learn that the bottom line doesn't always have to be their top priority.

William Arthur Ward

When Grandpa and Billy entered their vacation cabin, they kept the lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting insects. Still, a few fireflies followed them in. Noticing them before Grandpa did, Billy whispered, ‘It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.’

Friends
An old friend is better than two new ones...Don't walk in front of me, I will not follow, don't walk behind me, I will not lead, please walk beside me and just be my friend... :)


There is no such thing as can't, only won't. If you're qualified, all it takes is a burning desire to accomplish, to make a change. Go forward, go backward. Whatever it takes! But you can't blame other people or society in general. It all comes from your mind. When we do the impossible we realize we are special people.


Jan Ashford

Doctor my son swallowed my pen, what do I do?

Use a pencil until I get there.

Doing The Right Thing
The truth only needs to be said once, a lie needs to be told over and over!

You cannot change anything in your life with intention alone, which can become a watered-down, occasional hope that you'll get to tomorrow. Intention without action is useless.

Caroline Myss

A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.

Fresh mud on carpets or rugs?
Cover the spot with baking soda, wait 20 minutes, then vacuum.

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence.
Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear.
Perhaps the action you take will be successful;
Perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow.
But any action is better than no action at all.
Norman Vincent Peale

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore. -Peter Finch as Howard Beale in"Network"(1976) Screenplay byPaddy Chayefsky (academy award) You can read the whole frighteningly relevant monologue here http://www.whysanity.net/monos/network3.html

Vicky was at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!”

Time and Wounds
Time heals all wounds (but leaves the ugly scars). If you want to be happy don't bank on forgetting issues; just believe you've gotten over them.

A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand. One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding hold out both his hands. He asks: “Why are you holding out both of your hands?” The beggar replied, "You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch".

LIfes Failures
"Many of lifes failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

-Thomas Edison-

+ General JokeSounds like my dates when I was a youngster.. (I'm kidding of course - I never got past the meal..) The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."

The Antartian reported for her university final examination which consisted of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall and stared at the question paper for five minutes.

In a fit of inspiration, she took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on. Her reply was, "I finished the exam in half and hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

Learn to forgive.
Learn to write your hurts in the sand where the wind of forgiveness will erase them and carve your benefits in the stone where nothing will erase them.

- Anonymous -

The physician writing out a prescription for his hypertensive cardiac patient: “Diazepam 5mg (tranquilizer) TDS".

The patient’s wife asks, "Doctor, when are these medicines to be given?"

Doctor: "These are to be taken by you. He needs rest"

Remember, success is not measured by heights attained but by obstacles overcome. We're going to pass through many obstacles in our lives: good days, bad days. But the successful person will overcome those obstacles and constantly move forward.


Bruce Jenner, American Olympian

+ General JokeVancouver 2010 Drinking Game First, lay in a stock of your favorite beverage. Then, turn on NBC and observe the following rules: 1. Take one drink every time a NBC announcer invites you to "share a moment with the world." 2. Take one drink every time snowboarding highlights are backed up by rock-and-roll guitar/heavy metal headbanger music. 3. Take one drink every time a female athlete is described as "America's _____ing sweetheart." Take an extra drink if the athlete in question is "American's curling sweetheart." 4. Clap your hands and take one drink every time reference is made to "the revolutionary new clap skate" being used in speed skating. 5. Take one drink every time figure skating commentator Scott Hamilton shouts that a skater "NAILED!!" a jump. 6. Take one drink every time you hear a hockey announcer shout, "He shoots...he scores!" Take two drinks if you're watching women's hockey and you hear, "She shoots...she scores!" 7. Take one drink every time NBC promises to get "up close and personal" with an athlete. 8. Take one drink every time a skater is presented with a bouquet of flowers. 9. Take one drink every time America's quest for its first medal in luge is mentioned. Take an extra drink if America actually happens to win a medal in luge. 10. Take one drink and sigh, "That's good, mon" every time reference is made to the Jamaican bobsled team. 11. Take one drink every time the REAL Olympic theme is heard.

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.

The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"

The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."

The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"

The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"


Beware of Attachments
If you get an email that has an attachment (usually there is a paperclip symbol next to the name) don´t open it! Attachments can have viruses which will hurt your computer. If you don´t know the person, delete the email right away. If you do know the person, use a virus scan program first to be sure it is safe.