Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.

Gratitude
Silent gratitude isn’t much good to anyone.

- Gladys Browyn Stern –

As long as we are persistence in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day or time when we will fully bloom. It happens in its own time.
Denis Waitley
Be without
To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.

- Bertrand Russell

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.

The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

Finding Balance
As we age our sense of balance changes. Observing older people changing from a sitting position to a standing position, you will notice that they move tentively, especially those with a sedentary lifestyle. Balance is very important to self-confidence and self-reliance regardless of age. Thus, practicing yoga has a wealth of benefits that improve your balance and improve your self-confidence.

+ General Joke
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the
other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.


He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not
from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to
question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in
the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would
be continued in all of the subsequent copies.


The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for
centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'


He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the
original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't
been opened for hundreds of years.


Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . .


So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him He sees
him banging his head against the wall and wailing.


'We missed the*_R_ ! *


We missed the*_R_ !


We missed the_R_ !'


His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'


With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...


'CELEB*RATE !!!'

You cannot change anything in your life with intention alone, which can become a watered-down, occasional hope that you'll get to tomorrow. Intention without action is useless.
Caroline Myss
Q: How do you get a Democrat to pay taxes?

A: Give them "Change" and "Hope"

A Rose
A rose may be beautiful, but beware, it usually has many thorns.

Don't let life discourage you;
everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

Richard Evans

“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.

“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.

“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Wants
It's not having what you want, but yet wanting what you have.

Never fear shadows.
They simply mean there's a light somewhere nearby.
Ruth E. Renkee

The fates are vicious and they`re cruel.
You learn too late you`ve used two wishes like a fool.
-John Cameron Mitchell

Anger
Never make a decision when you are angry, you might regret it in the future.

Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

An elementary school teacher decides to pole the class on the difficulty of last night’s homework assignment:

Duh ... shouldn't that be: "poll" the class, unless she was making a point ... WITH A POINTED STICK!

How long should it take a professional to write a resume
Depends! There are professionals who specialize in writing resumes quickly. They tend to concentrate on one client at a time, producing a draft in as little as 4-5 hours and final documents within 2 hours after the client has reviewed the draft. This does not make the resume any less professional - in fact, since most resumes get less than an 30 second scan by the hiring authority, having a writer who understands how to write effectively for a scan may be beneficial. Other resume writers quote from 3 to 5 business days for the first draft. This does not make them better (or worse) it is just their style. If you are in a hurry for your documents, ask the resume writer about his or her turn-around time.

Q: Why was the computer so cold?

A: Because it forgot to shut its window

Learning the Keyboard(read down on the keyboard)
Quick Ask Zoe

What Stops X-rays

Even Dogs Can't

Red Fish Vanish

Then Grow Bigger

Yaks Hear Noises

Under Jack's Mattress

I Keep commas's

Over Long periods's

Peanuts

Cowboy's Guide To Life
by Bob Hardison
• Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
• Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
• Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
• Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
• Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
• Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
• Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. You cannot unsay a cruel word.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with looks at you in the mirror every mornin'.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more 'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
• Remember: Don't squat with your spurs on.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
• The best sermons are lived, not preached.
• Keep skunks and politicians and lawyers at a distance.
• It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
• If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
• It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.
• Meanness don't jest happen overnight.
• When you wallow with pigs, expect to git dirty.

Making Mistakes
If you make a mistake at work try not to get so upset; just ask yourself how it will matter next week or next year? If you have no answers then don’t dwell on it and move on.

Okay, so a Texan rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine. The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, "Say, how much land you think you got here?" Mainer: 'Bout 10 acres I'd say." Texan (boasting): Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!" Mainer: "Yep, I got one of them trucks too."

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Q: Why was the math book sad

A: Because it had too many problems

If you are only willing to invest 30 minutes a week in your Health maintenance!
A new study compared two groups of men 40 to 75 years old that did 30 minutes a week of weigh lifting versus fast walking; both groups reduced their risk of heart disease by 23% versus 18% respectively. While earlier studies have clearly demonstrated the advantage of aerobic exercise, if you only have time for one thing, lifting weights may be what you should choose.

WisdomTips.com

Editorial staff.

One's objective should be to get it right, get it quick, get it out, and get it over.
You see, your problem won't improve with age.
Warren Buffett
Doing nothing
The problem with doing nothing is you never know when you池e done.

James Fineous McBride

Guy: Is you dad still in jail?

Girl: For what?

Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them in your eyes!

I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs
but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.
General George S. Patton
+ General Joke
A Scottish Soldier in full dress uniform marches into a chemists.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded
cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square
handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a c0ndom.


The c0ndom has a number of patches on it.


The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.


How much to repair it the Scot asks the chemist?


Six pence, says the chemist.


How much for a new one?


Ten pence, says the chemist.


The Scot painstakingly folds the c0ndom into the silk square
handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his
sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.


A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.


The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.


The regiment has taken a vote, he says. "We'll have a new one!!

A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.

In due time he received a note: “thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful

Of you to wrap each piece separately.”

True Success
To really succeed in business you need to develop relationships. A good relationship is based on seeing and understanding things from the other person’s perspective

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.
Stephen R. Covey
All drama is about lies. When the lie is exposed, the play is over.
-David Mamet