Lowering Blood Pressure
If your blood pressure is rising try meditation. A recent study shows that meditation can be a helpful complement to treatment for people with stress-induced high blood pressure. The study shows that men who practiced meditation decreased their systolic blood pressure by about 12mm Hg, and women lowered their systolic pressure with meditation by about 10 mm Hg

For specifics as to how to meditate select WisdomTip.com tip # 8 under the category "meditation"

A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again.

This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing.

He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."

FACTS
"What you call a fact depends on the theory you bring to it."

- Albert Einstein –

A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!

+ General Joke
There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy:

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69.

Policeman: "Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?"

Pedestrian: "No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!"

Policeman: "How can you be so certain?"

Pedestrian: "I’d recognize that laugh anywhere!"
Doubts in marriage
If you begin to have doubts about marriage, play the film/video of your wedding backwards and see yourself walk out a free man and see how it feels.

A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.

"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.

The businessman orders a coke.

After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"

The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.

Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.

The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.

Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.

The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"

Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.

At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."

In my son's eyes.
I would be everything in life that I ever wanted to be, if I could be half as what my little boy thinks I am.

- JWD –

General Joke
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small

house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man

with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up

for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so

much
as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst

Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as

well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was

young,beautiful,
and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young

man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed

alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked

into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything

quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his

room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a

large
rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1:

Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old

man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the

boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he

did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2:

Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the

rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few

broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window

after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the

ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Doctor: What’s wrong with your bother?

Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.

Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?

Boy: Five years.

Doctor: Five years!

Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.

An Irish Toast
May you be in heaven 10 seconds before the devil knows you’re dead.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

Faith and doubt both are needed, not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve.
Lillian Smith

+ General Joke
A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was

very surprised when a very, VERY attractive woman behind him said,

"Hello!"
Her face was beaming. He gave her that ! "Who are you look," and

couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his

puzzled look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.

"Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought

you were the father of one of my children," and she walked out of the

store. The guy stood there for a minute dumbfounded and thought to

himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is a really

attractive woman who can't even keep track of who fathers
her children!"

Then he began to get a little panicky. "I don't remember
her," he thought but, MAYBE?. During one of the wild parties he had

been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran

from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you

the girl I met at a party back in college and then we got really drunk

and had this wild crazy s3x on the pool table in front of everyone?"
"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's

SCHOOL TEACHER!"

Two Musicians’ in a major symphonic orchestra were discussing who they thought the LEAST talented musician in the band was. One of them said; that’s easy. See that guy standing in the back? Well, we just put two sticks in his hands and we call him a Drummer. The other responded; well, if we take one stick away, we call him a Conductor!