+ General Joke
These are all names rejected by the Jockey Club (UK) for racehorses:

Sofa King Fast
Cupid Stunt
Norfolk Enchants
Sparrowfaht
Ah Feic
Fog Ducker


Mind, the odd one does get through:


Country Member
Big T1ts
Noble Locks

Goofy Fred took a friend driving on a narrow mountain road. After a while the friend said, “I feel very scared whenever you go around one of those sharp bends.”

“Then do what I do,” said Fred, “close your eyes.”

Long Life
If you want to live a long life avoid hospitals. More people die in hospitals than anywhere else.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally, conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.” The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earring.”

“Don’t make a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Human Nature
"People will keep on praising you until you follow their directions, but once due to your helplessness, if you fail to please them once. They will forget all your past good nesses and start hating you for your disobedience."

Happy Thanksgiving from MyDailyInsights
To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.
Johannes A. Gaertner

+ General Joke
Shirley was gaining weight and went to a guru for exercises. He advised her
to assume a position for meditation for fifteen minutes every morning before
she got dressed. So when Bert discovered he had left his cell phone home and
returned to their flat, he found Shirley on her back on the bed, stark
naked, with her legs raised almost to her shoulders. With only a short
glance at her, he took his cell phone from the night table and started to
leave. Taking a better look at her, he snorted,

"For God's sake, brush your teeth and comb your hair.
You're getting to look more like your mother every day."

Did you hear about the look-alike competition held in china? Everyone won.

The Puzzle of Love!
Love, is an ever lasting puzzle.... when you think you've found that person for you, you begin to assemble this puzzle! But be careful!! The pieces may fit!!! But the picture can be wrong! So you may have to think again! Before both your lives end up in ruins.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.
Cicero
Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
Epictetus
How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.
-William Shakespeare

This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted. “Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven.” His father said.

Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls.
David Thomas
Q: How do you know you should not be driving because you have had too much to drink?

A: When you swerve to hit a tree and then realize that it was only your car air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror!

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."