Q: What happens to a person when they're lost in a cornfield?

A: They get cornfused.

Healthy way
The only way to keep your health

is to eat what you don't want,

drink what you don't like,

and do what you'd rather not

- MARK TWAIN -

Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

Frederick Wilcox

Remember, happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.

Dale Carnegie

You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own.

Mark Victor Hansen

+ General JokeThings you can get away with saying only at Christmas. 1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 2. Smother the butter all over the breasts! 3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst! 4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go. 6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time! 8. You still have a little bit on your chin. 9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 10. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.

Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distiguished from a liberal, who wishes to replace them with others. -Ambrose Bierce

Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?

A: Don't look I'm changing!

Trust within yourself
"Don't go by gossip and rumor, nor by what's told you by others, nor by what you hear said, nor even by the authority of your traditional teachings. Don't go by reasoning, nor by inferring one thing from another, nor by argument about methods, nor from liking an opinion, nor from awe of the teacher and thinking he must be deferred to.

"Instead, Kalamas, when you know from within yourselves that certain teachings are not good, that when put into practice they lead to loss and suffering, you must then trust yourselves and reject them."

-Anguttara Nikaya