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Lighting. If you've ever watched The 39 Steps or The Maltese Falcon, you will recall that wartime suspense films owe much to atmospheric, moody lighting. The genre's called film noir for a reason, and my grandmother is well aware of the importance of shadow on the home front. In the absence of black and white hues and a soft focus lens, a dimmer switch and nightly application of Crème de la Mer works just as well.
Props and Set Design. When it comes to 40s glamour, think decadent décor. A cocktail cabinet is essential. Keep it well stocked at all times with decent quality gin, vodka, dry vermouth, fresh lime, grenadine and tonic. Shun sherry like the evil, suburban poison it is. According to my grandmother, it's the height of bad taste to display electrical gadgets in the home. Thus the television, when not in use, is cleverly disguised inside a custom-made cupboard. Silk flowers are a good idea, as real roses tend to wilt in the dimly lit cigarette fog.
Leading Men. My dashing, dear-departed grandfather never got the chance to age disgracefully, but he's always present at the cocktail hour. He's preserved in photographic splendor on the mantelpiece and he makes the perfect leading man. His devilishly handsome face smiles out from beneath his RAF cap as the martinis are shaken and the gin slings poured. I once encountered the plumber joining Gran in a 5 o'clock Pimms. This was no Clarke Gable, and the incongruous effect of his grubby blue overalls against the muted chintz in the gazebo, has haunted me ever since. Choose your male leads carefully, according to smooth dressing, ready wit and the ability to raise one eyebrow, nonchalantly, a la Gregory Peck.
Script. Smoking might lead to nasty diseases, but it also results in an unmistakable husky drawl. Borrowed lines sound best. My Grandmother peppers her conversation with extinct Hollywood favorites. She heralded my initiation into the world of champagne with, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." I haven't heard her greet male guests with, "Is that a gun in your pocket?" but who's to tell what she says in my absence? Mae West is a treasured source of inspiration, as is Bette Davis. "Never, never trust anyone who asks for white wine," Grandmother advises, echoing the late, great Bette, "it means they're phonies."
Costume. Designer runners are a modern obsession; wartime glamour requires heels. High ones. My grandmother has elegant heels to match every outfit but loves her satin bedroom slippers best. A silk dressing gown, accessorized with turban, full jewelry and makeup, is recommended daywear. After five, slip into a little cocktail number. And don't forget your evening bag; you should always be prepared for last minute invites to down town gin palaces or impromptu soirees.
Catering. I'm harking back to pre-take-away times, when glamorous people employed cooks. Today only royalty and the Murdochs can afford staff. That's not to say you should prepare food yourself - simply order delivery of a tempting array of canapés. Grandmother recommends smoked salmon pinwheels and stuffed olives. Rising in time for the mid-afternoon news removes the hassles of breakfast and it's surprising how filling a late night daiquiri can be.
Without irony, Grandmother refers to ladies 20 years her junior as "little old dears". Who was it that remarked, "You're only as young as you feel"? Bette Davis? Greta Garbo? Lana Turner? Gran? I think we're due for a return to the roaring 40's, when men in sharp suits and hats melted hearts with their velvet voices. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. I can almost hear the ice clink in Bogart's scotch.
Your Décor's Telling Tales!
Lisa Mitchell
We've all done the quick tidy up before friends pop over but rarely do we consider the profound importance of the swift redecoration. Few people realise what their décor is screaming about them, and what mortifications bad choices can bestow. While old friends forgive us for trying too hard (or not enough), fresh female houseguests are quick to store (and then spread) impressions - so you've got to make sure they're the right ones.
Are you the try-hard fashion faddist with the lava lamp in the spare bedroom or the clutter bug whose childhood trinkets really should be in a box at your parents' place? Be assured, once your style sins are exposed there's little saving face. You'll need a large, convincing excuse and I find this one works best: "[Insert partner's name], where did you get this piece of hideousness?" Or better still, correct your décor faux pas before it's too late. Here's what they may be and what they say about you.
First Impressions
The doormat: Vine trims, crazy cow patterns, cutesy daisy prints. Two words. Quaint. Fogey.
The quirky mail box: Obviously, you're a luddite. Go to your nearest internet provider and do not come home until you have secured an email account. No one worth their funk gives out postal addresses anymore.
The door bell: I don't care if it was like that when you moved in. If it plays a tune, disconnect it.
The plastic runner: There it is, on the floor, shielding the cream carpet. Beside it are several pairs of shoes and beside them is your socked and slippered hostess. She has yet to learn that no matter how exquisite the rest of her interior is, this single item screams: "I'm wads of cash short of real style". She works hard, budgets harder and probably recycles her used guest soaps for her own shower. Nothing fabulous about making friends feel they've entered a display home where they must pay for breakages. Get dark carpet.
Interior Style Sins:
Dear, oh dear, the things I have seen: a set of massive wooden rosary beads on the feature wall of one family's gargantuan lounge room (religion should be treated with respect and discretion - confrontation rarely works), plastic flowers in the garden, trophy rooms (more on this later) and name plates for your home. Name your car, name your children, name your husband something perky, but don't ever name your house.
Exhibiting your glorious past: Into this category falls the trophy room, large framed portraits of yourself, photos of you in full flight (horse-riding, skydiving, high jumping) and the draping of sports gear on feature walls (ice axes, skis or ballet shoes). What this says is: "Conceited? Me? Never! But I'd love you to ask me all about it." If you must, casually throw your 1983 Australian Diving Championships Gold Medal in the spare change bowl in the hallway and when someone comments, simply say: "Oh that thing". Hopefully someone will explain for you - it is the only way to spout. Either way, guests will still think you are a bit sad.
Displaying hobbies: The same goes for displaying the fruits of your eight week short-course hobbies such as sculpture, life drawing or paintings. It's embarrassing for both of you, and that's what basements are for (paintings by children excepted).
Collections: Of anything. Your Twin Peaks video collection has no place - anywhere - nor do poster collections, figurine collections, and surprisingly, collections of ancient ancestors. I'm referring to those sepia prints in dark wood frames placed on a mantle to feign attachment to a family you've never known. This is the age of the non-nuclear, non-extended family.
Bookshelves: Perhaps the most ill-advised and overweening style flaw overlooked in many homes. People with bookshelves would like to suggest with great fanfare: "I'm educated, informed, literary and occasionally erudite." They make sure they include the appropriate volumes of Robert Hughes's The Shock of The New, tempered by the Dalai Lama's Beyond Dogma and for light, classic appeal, JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. Better to include your dog-eared paperbacks, your first Mills & Boon series, and if you must, just one Booker prize-winning tome, instead of all of them. Don't be a library snob. True conversationalists are relaxed about being well read.
Coffee tables: The carefully splayed Conde Nast collection of Gourmet Traveller or the latest edition of Funkster Photography and Groovy Chick magazine, is for the doctor, the chiropractor, the hairdresser, or the beauty salon table. Do you make your visitors ring for an appointment? Do you plan to bore them so much that they have to have a good flick? No.
Fluffy toys: Belong in children's rooms. Fluffy toys elsewhere suggest one is co-dependent, a mummy or daddy's girl, and unlikely to ever share that space with anyone else, except a doting pet. (If you must, hide it under the bed. You can always say your niece/child left it there.)
Mirrors: Wall mirrors in the bedroom assure you are sexually uninhibited (and possibly a Liberace fan). Most guests will admire your kink (on the inside). Mirrored bathrooms that give a full view of the porcelain throne suggest you are sick, deprived, depraved and definitely no friend of your guest, anymore.
Wall plates: Are The Waltons back on television? It doesn't matter if the plates are expensive, or cheap and colourful; either way, it's a dusty display that represents the uninspired interior artless.
Kitchen Bound
Utensils: Do you really know what to do with a mortar and pestle? If not, get rid of it. And all those ultra modern potato peelers, corkscrews and salt and pepper shakers that are so sleek they're phallic say you're not getting enough and wish you were. That includes kitchen sink taps.
Poetry fridge magnets: You want people to think you're a pseudo intellectual. Everyone knows they only get used to pass on poor puns and there's nothing terribly clever about that. Your guests will respond appropriately with - "Tom Was Here", "Buy Sasha a magnum of Bolly, she needs it after visiting you."
Appliances: Shiney, polished, stainless steely Alessi-anything sort of appliances are try-too-hard, made-to-measure designer fare for the highly unoriginal who have too much to spend with too little imagination.
Duralex glasses: You know, the sturdy café glass that doubles for wine or latte? This demonstrates your weakness for trends. Better to go to the café that uses them until a better café comes along. Never bring café chic home, it's for paying customers only. Tacky, tacky.
Stephanie Alexander's Cookbook: The eponymous, the one, the only, cookbook in every kitchen around Australia. Yawn. We know you can't cook, at least, not that well.
Bathroom Errors
His/Her towels: About as cute as a grown man in nappies.
Marble-like spa: Is your bathroom big enough to be mistaken for a Roman spa? Probably not. You suffer from delusions of grandeur.
Tucked up toilet roll ends: Very nice, for high paying customers in 5-star hotels but mortifying for house guests who realise you expect to be complimented on attention to detail. They're really thinking: "You are so tragically overdone."
Stencilled idyllic scenes: Hire an artist to do it properly or don't do it all: a cheap, crafty attempt at artful transformation of once luscious white walls.
It may seem a tad harsh, but when you have recovered from the shock of seeing on this list something you had always been quite proud of having in your home, you'll thank us. Really. It's better to hear it in our lounge room than in yours. Wishing you every success with your redecoration.
Socialise and Stay Slim
Margaret Ambrose
Why is it that some women are able to waltz into any restaurant, five nights a week, wolf down a huge meal and still look great? These women rise to any occasion involving dining out - compared to the rest of us, who feel like we have to diet for a week before we can consume a forkful of that prawn risotto. And, of course men love these women: we all know how much men hate it when their dates order only a salad (even though they love the body that comes with ordering only the salad).
If you tremble when an Italian restaurant is suggested, feel like throwing out the scales when someone mentions French, and decide that in order to stay slim and healthy you’ll need to sacrifice your social life - think again. Dieticians and nutritionalists are now saying you can dine out and stay trim. It’s not where you eat, it’s what you eat.
"You have to order selectively, no matter what the nationality of the restaurant is," says dietician Jan Catus, who believes you can eat out regularly without having the waistline to prove it. "It’s a case of avoiding ‘problem’ foods," she says. "These are simply dishes that are high in sugar, fat or salt." For example:
Chinese/Asian
If you think that Asian food is a low fat option, you’re right - kind of. Authentic Chinese food is extremely low in fat and cholesterol. A recent study showed that the Chinese population living in China had around half the cholesterol level of people in the western world.
There are plenty of low fat Asian dishes to order and the best advice is to use common sense. The two main culprits in Chinese are the sauces - most Asian sauces are oil based and this accounts for much of the fat content - and the method of cooking, which is often deep-frying. However, stir fried vegetables are on almost every menu, and combined with steamed rice can make quite a low fat meal.
Asian cooking can also include high levels of salt, especially in soups and soy sauce. A lot of dishes are deep fried so steer clear of those and opt for dishes that are grilled or steamed.
Try Ordering: Steamed fish, steamed vegetable dumplings, won ton soup, and steamed vegetables and noodles.
Avoid at All Costs: Peking duck, sweet and sour pork, fried dumplings and fried banana.
Japanese
Japanese restaurants can be great for the diet conscious, offering a wide range of healthy meals. In addition, raw fish and miso soup are excellent sources of protein. Just remember to steer clear from raw fish if you’re pregnant.
Try ordering: sashimi - mixed raw tuna, salmon, whitefish, mackerel, sushi - sliced raw fish and/or vegetables with rice, miso soup and tofu.
Avoid at all costs: katsu - deep fried pork with egg and onion, gyoza - fried dumplings, and tonkatsu - fried pork cutlet.
French
Ah, the pastries, the crepes, the rich casseroles and creamy sauces. Think that all French cuisine is a heart attack on a plate? Think again. The killers in French cuisine are the rich and creamy sauces - hollandaise, béchamel and béarnaise sauces are all very high in salt and fat. If you must have that sauce, ask to have it served on the side so you can add it to your meal sparingly.
Try ordering: bouillabaise - shell fish soup, salad nicoise - lettuce, potatoes, string beans, anchovies (dressing on the side), coq au vin - chicken in white wine, and grilled fish.
Avoid at all costs: pate de fois gras - goose liver pate, French onion soup (because of the high oil and sugar content), quiche and beef bearnaise.
Italian
In the western word, Italian usually means pasta and pizza. Forget pizza. OK, if you can’t forget pizza, request very little cheese and meat, and more vegetable toppings. If you are looking to control fat content, order a pasta dish that is not served with a rich, creamy sauce. Tomato based sauces are your best bet, but even with those, the salt content could be a worry. Whatever you choose at the Italian restaurant make sure it is accompanied by a garden salad - without dressing.
Try Ordering: Pasta with marinara sauce, pasta with white wine sauce, minestrone soup, and pasta with tomato and basil sauce.
Avoid at all costs: Eggplant/ veal/ anything parmesan, lasagna, Caesar salad and pasta with meatballs.
Every Restaurant
No matter what cuisine you choose, there are certain words that sound panic alarms to the diet conscious, and others that are music to their ears.
Good Menu Words: in its own juice, garden fresh, broiled, poached and steamed.
Bad Menu words: buttery, sautéed, fried, pan-fried, crispy, braised, creamy sauce, marinated in oil or basted.
"Another thing people who eat out regularly should be aware of is alcohol," says Catus, who believes moderation is the key to having a social life and good health. "Reduce your alcohol intake and make the greatest portion of your meal fruit or vegetables, and you can enjoy restaurant socialising."
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Book: I dunno how she does it,
YOUR STYLE:
Do strange theories about alternate dimensions, time relativity, atomic fission and the origins of the universe get your molecules moving? Since the majority of your work is theoretical, you may not produce many working inventions. But what does that matter as long as your discoveries deepen our understanding of the cosmos?
YOUR PROJECTS: (shown on left)
Maybe you'd like to join one of these weird, but real science projects?
1. The Theory of Everything: Physicists are trying to understand how our physical universe works on every level. Their latest ideas include multiple dimensions, invisible membranes of space and vibrating strings that are waaaaay smaller than atoms. No proof yet, though.
2. Soundtrack to A Universe: Over 13 billion years ago, the universe exploded into existence. Scientists have "recorded" the sound waves that moved through the expanding new universe. The noise? A scream, then a roar, then a hiss.
3. A True Teleporter?: Quantum physicists have devised an experiment in which an electron seems to "disappear," then reappear in a different spot.
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YOUR STYLE:
When you ride in a plane, do you stare out the window just to check out the engine? Do you take things apart to see if you can put them back together again? If so, your lab is probably one big construction zone. Make sure you wear your hard hat.
YOUR PROJECTS: (shown on left)
Maybe you'd like to join one of these weird, but real science projects?
1. The First Corn-Powered Car: Industrial engineers have created a car that runs on an ingredient in corn.
2. Grand Challenge Contest: The U.S. government will award $2 million to an inventor who can build the first robotic vehicle to successfully navigate a 175-mile-long desert obstacle course. So, gURLs, start your engines!
3. The World's Tallest Skyscraper: Architects and engineers in Shanghai, Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia and the U.S. have all set their sights on building a skyscraper over 500 meters tall.
FEELING INSPIRED? Check out our "Make Things Work" section of Brainylicious on gURL now.